


the better miya twin

by infantblue



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, osamu is such a troll and i love him so much, why must we always clown atsumu like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24910669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infantblue/pseuds/infantblue
Summary: Everyone on the Black Jackals thinks Osamu is the better twin. Atsumu wants to punch them all in the face.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 185
Kudos: 2638
Collections: HAIKYUU|HQ, seratonin fics





	the better miya twin

**Author's Note:**

> i was supposed to post the pre-brazil fic today but realized as i was editing it this morning that one scene was a little too similar to another fic i wrote, so i’m hoping to reroute it to be more original instead. in the meantime, please accept this forty minute crackfic in apology! i promise i’ll be a little less coffee-crazy next week <3

Everyone on the Black Jackals thinks Osamu is the better twin. Atsumu wants to punch them all in the face.

_This is what you get for choosing a team based in Osaka_ , Suna texts unsympathetically when Atsumu goes to their old Inarizaki group chat to complain.

_Should've joined the Falcons with Aran_ , says Ginjima.

_As if Aran would've wanted him,_ writes Kosaku. _He probably threw a celebratory party once he was free._

' _Tsumu, you do realize I'm in this chat too, right?_ Osamu somehow manages to sound condescending over text without including a single condescending word, which then incites another flurry of messages on the neverending debate of what happens to Atsumu's brain once he steps off a volleyball court, mostly inclined in the theoretical direction that he doesn't have one at all.

Miya Atsumu, angrily, in all caps: _I HATE ALL OF YOU_.

Kita sends a single bird emoji and Atsumu officially retires his phone.

* * *

To sympathize with Atsumu's struggles, one must fully understand the situation he is in. It all goes back to his second year in high school, during their first game in the Spring High National Tournament. They play Karasuno, a supposed unknown, the underdog, not even meant to be a blip on their radar.

Karasuno wins the game. Atsumu claims he confesses his love to Hinata Shouyou.

His team, unfortunately, does not agree.

"I swore I'd set for him in the future," Atsumu insists during their goodbye dinner, all of Inarizaki crowding this somewhat mediocre restaurant eating their stupid pity meal. At this particular table, his so-called friends seem intent on staring at Atsumu like he's been bodysnatched by a marbleless alien. "That's basically the volleyball equivalent of a marriage proposal! Everyone knows that."

Kosaku looks incredulous. "In what universe?"

"Please don't encourage him," mutters Suna.

"I don't know whether I should be exasperated or concerned," Oomimi says.

"Both," Aran sighs. "Always both."

With a sniff, Atsumu tips his chin and picks up his chopsticks like he can't be bothered to deal with them anymore and would rather focus on his food. "Whatever. I don't care what you guys think. Shouyou-kun totally knew what I meant."

"Really." For the first time since they left Tokyo, Osamu glances up from his phone, his expression perfectly relaxed—which usually means he's up to no good. "Because I've been texting Shouyou-kun all day and he hasn't mentioned the fact that you're dating once."

It's thanks to Suna's quick hands that Atsumu doesn't flip the whole table when he almost jerks to his feet. "You've been _what?"_

"Texting," Osamu replies, completely blank-faced despite the fact that he is a demon Atsumu can't seem to burn. "I ran into him by the bathroom after the game and he gave me his info. Don't tell me that _you_ , as his supposed boyfriend, haven't even got that far?"

"Give me that!" Atsumu tries to dive for Osamu's phone only to be held back by the collar by Kita, who doesn't look displeased so much as he resembles a tired old man watching the sky turn pink for the hundred thousandth time.

"No fighting at the table," Kita says. "We're here to have a final meal together as a team. It's supposed to be emotional."

"'Samu would be emotional if you let me sock him in the jaw at least once," Atsumu grumbles.

"What was that?"

"N-nothing!"

*

Of course, Atsumu does eventually steal Hinata's info from his brother's phone, but the damage is already done. Hinata is convinced Osamu is the most amazing person on the planet, and no amount of bragging from Atsumu can make him believe otherwise.

_Do you think Osamu-san would like this band if I sent it to him?_ Hinata writes excitedly. _He has the coolest taste in music! Even Tsukishima thinks so!_

Atsumu doesn't understand how everyone believes the ruse that Osamu is somehow the nicer twin. His brother is _evil_. And Atsumu is determined to prove it.

* * *

Atsumu enters the MSBY Black Jackals determined to whip this team into the best in the entire nation.

Everyone thinks he's an asshole. It's to be expected. Atsumu is faintly pleased he was able to earn their recognition so quickly and resolves to keep it up throughout the entire season.

Then Osamu ruins everything when he drops by one day to bring everyone some onigiri and magically converts all their wary contempt into amused heckling.

"What the hell did you say to them?" Atsumu cries when he goes home to their shared apartment that night, throwing his gym bag against the wall with a frustrated huff. "The team used to admire my sets, but now they spent half the practice teasing me into dust!"

"They all hated you, 'Tsumu. I made them hate you a little less."

"All that respect—gone! That hard work—ruined!"

"You're welcome."

Atsumu wants to smother him with a pillow. "You're the _worst_. I'm moving out!"

"About damn time," Osamu drones, never once looking up from his phone. There's another beep, which brings an alarming—albeit tiny—smile to his face. Atsumu is instantly suspicious.

"Are you texting Shouyou-kun?"

"He's excited for Brazil," Osamu says diplomatically. "I'll tell him you say hi."

Atsumu gasps. "Traitor!"

"Also, if you're packing your stuff tonight, don't forget your dirty underwear in the laundry bin. I'm not dealing with your shit when you're gone."

* * *

By the time Hinata returns to Japan, the Miya twins have moved into separate buildings and Atsumu has somehow lost every shred of dignity he thought he had.

Osamu is too powerful. Atsumu doesn't understand it. It's like anyone who meets him automatically falls in love with him, and it is mind-boggling how Atsumu can spend the same amount of time in a room with someone and yield completely opposite results.

"What's your secret?" Atsumu begs one day, surrendering what little bit of pride he has left after spending the past several years pummeled into the ground. "How do you get people to like you?"

Osamu raises a brow. "You don't care what people think of you. You just want _Shouyou-kun_ to like you. What, worried now that he's on the same team and you can't hide behind a phone screen where you're able to thoroughly research every single response you could write to him before you send it?"

Atsumu glares. "I was trying to ask my dear brother for advice. Forgive me for forgetting you're the devil incarnate and would rather watch me drown."

Rolling his eyes, Osamu finishes wrapping Atsumu's bento for practice and slides it across the counter. Atsumu accepts it with a petulant huff, unwilling to apologize despite the fact that Osamu thanklessly makes his lunch every morning without saying a word. Atsumu doesn't even know how they started this arrangement. It just happened, and neither of them mentions it.

He refuses to believe Osamu's decent deeds outweigh his nefarious soul. Osamu is still the root of all evil. He may have everyone else fooled, but Atsumu knows better.

"You're lucky I don't spit in your food for how annoying you are," Osamu sighs.

"You wouldn't dare poison mom's favorite child."

"Do you want my advice or not?"

Atsumu perks up a little then quickly schools his expression back into a carefully disinterested frown. "Well, since I'm already here…"

Osamu rolls his eyes. "You've got a terrible personality. Most people will never like you. But Shouyou-kun could befriend a cactus without even meaning to, so there's probably nothing you could do that would scare him off too badly. Well, maybe. Just be yourself."

"Did you get that horrible tip from a fortune cookie or are you just drunk?"

"Only the gods know," Osamu deadpans, and Atsumu exhales a heavy sigh, admittedly a little concerned.

"What if…" He nibbles on his bottom lip. "What if he _doesn't_ like me?"

"That's very statistically probable," his brother agrees.

"' _Samu!"_

"Hey, there's always hate-sex. It's not the worst alternative to love."

Atsumu glares at him, though he's mostly glaring at a mirrored, much less handsome version of himself for forgetting the fact that Osamu has horns for ears and a somehow disguised proclivity for chaos. It's Atsumu's own fault for falling for the shimmery illusion like everyone else. "You're a horrible relationship guru."

"It's one of my greatest flaws," Osamu says solemnly.

Part of Atsumu wants to smile, but it's so much easier blaming Osamu's incomprehensible personality for his own social failures than the far more plausible fact that Atsumu just likes being an asshole, so he maintains his glower until he manages to shuffle completely out of Osamu's kitchen.

His phone goes off once he's outside. It's Hinata Shouyou, his contact name adorned with several alternating suns and hearts.

_Just finished my morning run! Wanna meet up at the gym early to get in some tosses before everyone else comes?_

Hinata punctures almost every single one of his texts with adorable special character emojis, and this one resembles his smile so much that Atsumu actually blushes. At a freaking combination of brackets and slashes.

He is so screwed.

_Sure, Shouyou-kun! I packed us some food again, so we'll be able to play late today, too!_

_Oh, did Osamu-san make another bento? That was so nice of him! His cooking is the best!_

Atsumu stops walking to smack his forehead into his cell phone. Apparently he really likes shooting himself in the foot.

* * *

"No, you don't _understand_ ," Inunaki says, clearly drunk out of his mind. Most of the team is, despite the fact that they rarely ever drink while they're training—or maybe _because_ of the fact.

They're out of practice. Their limits are compromised. They're all a mess.

Either way, every single one of them seems intent on embarrassing Atsumu in front of his crush, and he's not sure whether he'd rather off himself by drowning in mediocre beer or stabbing his eye with dull, scratched-up chopsticks.

"I'm serious," Inunaki is insisting. "Miya mentioned you so often we had to put a ban on your name during practice. It was actually ridiculous. It was getting out of hand."

Hinata blushes. "R-really?"

"No!" Atsumu howls, at the same time the rest of the team says, " _Yes!_ "

"Shouyou-kun this, Shouyou-kun that," Meian mocks. "If he mentioned how you could've spiked a certain toss better one more time, I was certain he was gonna end up dead."

"It was for his own good," Barnes agrees somberly.

"We were just trying to protect him."

Atsumu buries his face on the table in a concave of his arms and moans out loud. "Just kill me now."

"You're very cute though, Shouyou," Thomas says kindly. "We understand now why he's so obsessed with you."

"I'm not—!"

"He is," several people chorus amusedly, further shoving the knife into Atsumu's back.

"That's, um—very flattering," Hinata manages to say. His face is so perfectly, adorably pink, the only beacon of light in this team full of Osamu-approved demons.

Meian nods like he is currently announcing someone's time of death before gesturing towards Atsumu the way anyone else would say, _Take a look at this disaster_. "So you should definitely agree to go out with him. We know he's an idiot, but he worships the ground you walk on and probably wouldn't make the _worst_ boyfriend in the world."

"Maybe only like, second worst," Inunaki pipes up helpfully.

Atsumu glares. "Seriously, who gave any of you permission to speak? I am going to murder you all."

"That's nice," Thomas says absently. He then giggles at a salt shaker and Inunaki not-so-subtly moves away his beer. Considering Thomas is nearly a foot taller than him, it's amazing how Inunaki's alcohol tolerance proves to be consistently more formidable. Maybe the evil burns it off quicker.

As the only other person at this table who bears no resemblance to a hellion, Hinata laughs warmly, always so endeared by the crazy people he calls his friends. "You guys are so funny! Atsumu and I are already dating though, but you're all very sweet for trying to drunkenly set us up."

Had this been a romcom movie, the background music would've come to a screeching halt.

"Wait _, what?"_ Atsumu blurts.

"Wait, WHAT?" his teammates chorus.

Realizing that everyone is staring at him, Hinata blushes a little and ducks his head instinctively before straightening his spine. "Y-yeah, since high school! Didn't we tell you?"

" _I_ didn't know about this," says Inunaki. He turns to Atsumu. "Did _you_ know about this?"

Atsumu looks like someone who needs to sit down even though he's already sitting down. "Someone please punch me. I think I'm dreaming." He quickly glares at Sakusa, who has perked up significantly for the first time since they all crowded together in this booth. "That was rhetorical!"

Somewhere in the building, Bokuto is laughing hysterically at something probably deadpan Akaashi says.

"We're really dating?" Atsumu asks Hinata, like someone who just discovered soy sauce for the first time and has no idea how he survived this long without it.

Hinata's expression turns uncertain. "I—I thought so? You—confessed to me. After our first game against each other. Kageyama said it was the setter equivalent of a marriage proposal. And then you always acted so boyfriend-like, always being so kind and holding my hand and hugging me and we texted every single day—"

"But—we've never kissed!"

"You're such a shy person! I thought you wanted to take things slow!"

"Oh my god," Inunaki mutters, looking faint. "Someone just called Atsumu shy."

"I feel like I'm in another dimension," says Meian.

"Does anyone have a defibrillator? Is my heart acting up?"

"Oh, fuck all of you," Atsumu snaps before turning back to Hinata, still trying to wrap his brain around this lifechanging piece of news. "Let me get this straight. You thought we've been dating. Since your first year of high school."

Hinata shrinks back a little. "Do you not want to?"

"Are you kidding me? This is the best day of my life!" Atsumu slaps his hand against the table hard enough that the salt shaker tips over and Thomas starts to cry. "Does that mean I get to kiss you? And—sex! Can we have sex now? Is that off the table? I'd really like to fuck you."

"Oh my god," Barnes says.

Hinata's face has gone cherry tomato red. "I—if you want?" he stammers. "I'm. Not opposed."

"NOT IN THE RESTAURANT!" Meian booms.

"Well then, Shouyou-kun and I suddenly have somewhere else to be," Atsumu says brightly as he quickly ushers Hinata out of the booth, almost scrambling over the others' laps in his haste. "We'll see you at practice! I mean, Shouyou-kun probably won't be able to walk properly for a while, but I'll make sure he keeps up with his training regimen."

"A-Atsumu-san!" Hinata squeaks.

"I need to bleach my ears," Sakusa mutters.

"Should we be concerned?" Barnes is whispering.

"GOODBYE, DEMONS," is all Atsumu says as he continues to guide his apparent—and very adorable—boyfriend out of the room.

Once they're outside and waiting for their cab, Atsumu pulls out his phone and starts composing a very long and probably ill-advised email with drunken thumbs.

Hinata peers over his arm curiously, so close that Atsumu actually starts having heart palpitations as he tries to remember how to type. "Who are you texting?"

"Everyone from my high school team. I just wanna gloat about the fact that I was right and they were wrong and I win at everything and they suck at life."

Hinata beams. "You're very cute, Atsumu-san. You know that, right?"

Atsumu promptly drops his phone, and Hinata spends the next ten minutes trying to convince him that uncooked rice only works for water damage, not for cracks.

* * *

Later, much later, after they've successfully worked off their dinners and are covered in sweat, Atsumu is still marvelling over the fact that he's been dating the boy of his dreams for all this time without even knowing it, and he can't stop the smug, shit-eating grin from consuming his face.

"I just can't believe it," Atsumu says. "Everyone told me I was crazy for acting like a boyfriend after my misfired high school confession, but I always knew you were the only one who understood me."

Hinata laughs like sunshine and Atsumu wants to devour the sound straight from his sweet, adorable lips. "I'm surprised Osamu-san didn't back you up. I was always talking to him about relationship advice and stuff since I'd never been in one before. He's the one who told me you wanted to take things slow and not to spook you. He was really helpful about it!"

Atsumu chokes. "He—"

That smug son of a bitch. He _knew_. This whole time, Osamu knew that Hinata understood his confession and was only fucking with him out of sport. All those taunting comments, all the blatant baiting, all those times Osamu rubbed it in Atsumu's face whenever Hinata would text Osamu instead of him…

It's official. Screw what everyone else thinks.

Osamu is definitely the worst Miya twin.

**Author's Note:**

> i’m so sorry for posting crack again instead of one of my many actually thought-out stories asfdhgkd but come say hi on twitter [[@infantbluee](https://twitter.com/infantbluee)] anyway so i can send you hearts in return! <3


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